Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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