I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
