I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
