So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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