is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
