Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Green mimosas i think yes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
COCAINE IS GR8
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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