My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
