i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize