with your own penis?
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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