Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize