I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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