when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
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