You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
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I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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