so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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