wanna go halves on a baby?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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