Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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