The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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