I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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