Already got asked if we're dating
Just cropdusted the office
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize