In the future we'll all be gay
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's just like the Real World with babies
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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