Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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