Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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