quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
