My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
