I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
