Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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