What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
