he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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