At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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