Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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