I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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