the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
