I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we made out on top of his cat.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
