I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
