Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
