I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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