the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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