I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
These tits shall not be calmed
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