Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
