In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
