we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
