he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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