3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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