I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
