I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
