Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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