i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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