I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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