i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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