you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
