Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
