if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.