I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
