I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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