So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.