and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
