I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
