I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
