That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
