I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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