Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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