I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
