i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
