Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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