My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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