I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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